True story, believe it or not, it happened to me:

In 1970, I had a vasectomy at the Fort Devens hospital. I was lying on my back on a table, sheet over me, female nurse standing behind me. The sheet had a hole in it for the doc to pull the appropriate paraphernalia through to operate on. The doc gave me a shot in the side of the groin. A few minutes later, the doc must have made the first cut, as I almost came off the table.

"I'd better give you another shot" he says.

"Please Do!" I add.

The doc is telling me exactly what he is doing. Finishes one side and goes to the other. He tells me, "You know, I've done about a thousand of these operations, and they're all the same."

I asked him "You mean we're all created equal?"

And he says, "Now, I didn't say THAT!"

After he was through, he told me not to exert myself, no football playing, etc. I would have residual pain, similar to being kneed in the groin. And that I was not "safe" for 6 weeks. I was to come into the hospital lab and leave a sperm sample.

Six weeks later, I report to the lab. A black SP4 WAC gives me a bottle w/lid, and to go into the bathroom and leave the sperm sample on the ledge. There are three bathrooms - a door straight ahead, and a door on either side of it. The right-hand door is open, so I go in, set the bottle on the ledge, drop my pants, and sit down. There is a knock on the door - "Are you through yet?"

Me: "No! I'm fast, but not THAT fast! Send help!" The WAC apologized; she was looking for an elderly man that was leaving a urine sample.

Wouldn't you know it - no Hustler, Playboy, etc. magazines lying around... not even a Sears catalog...

The test proved I was 100% negative... Hollywood cowboy - shooting blanks. Sports model...

I have a T-shirt that the wife won't let me wear - it has a large orange on it.

"Vasectomy - All Juice And No Seed."

-Stephen A. Roberts