Future Headlines 2050 A.D.

1) Florida To Be Readmitted to the Union

2) Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock

3) Mother Lewinsky Dies -- Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past

4) Portland Zoo to Receive Rare Cow

5) George Z. Bush to Run for President

6) 50 Year Study -- Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss

7) Nursing Home Crisis -- Clinton Denies Candy Striper Allegations

8) Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen

9) Pope Phil II Settles Custody Case with Ex-wife

10) Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage from Elders

11) Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus on Mutants

12) Baby Conceived Naturally -- Scientists Stumped

13) Authentic 2000 Chad Sells at Sotheby's for $9.6 Million

14) President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Wahoo" Ortega in Cage Match

15.) Cal Ripken Jr. Reduced to DH Role


50 Actual Newspaper Headlines

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

9. Stud Tires Out

10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

15. Eye Drops off Shelf

16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84

30. War Dims Hope for Peace

31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

35. Deer Kill 17,000

36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

50. Air Head Fired