A guy gets up in one morning, and goes out to his front porch for the paper . As he bends down to pick it up, the corner of his eye picks up a strange sight. There's a... gorilla... in his oak tree...

He rubs his eyes, steps closer, looks again, and... sure enough, it IS a gorilla!

He runs back into the house and calls the police. "There's a gorilla in my oak tree!" he yells.

"Calm down, sir," the dispatcher says, "Can you describe the gorilla?"

"Uh ... yeah!" the guy says, "It's ... a ... GORILLA!"

"Well, sir, you say the alleged gorilla is in your oak tree?"

"Hell, yes, in my oak tree!"

"Well, sir, we don't get animals out of trees, and as best I can tell, no crime has been committed.You might try the Fire Department." The dispatcher hangs up.


So he calls the Fire Department, and is told that they do indeed rescue cats, exotic birds, and the occasional monkey, but no gorillas, and suggests he check the Yellow Pages under "Gorilla Removal," and have a nice day!


Frantic, he ransacks the yellow pages, and sure enough, there is an ad for "Gorilla Removal." He calls the number. A guy answers, and asks how big the gorilla is.

"Geez, I don't know, he's big, maybe five, six hundred pounds..."

"Don't do anything. I'll be right out."

Ten minutes later, a truck with a big cage on the back pulls up, and out climbs a fat, greasy guy with a big handgun in a holster. He unloads a tall ladder, a long sharply pointed pole, and a nasty looking pit bull that he chains to the oak tree.

"What I'm gonna do," he says, "is climb the ladder and poke the gorilla with this sharp stick until he falls on the ground. When that happens, this dog is specially trained to go for the crotch of the gorilla, bite as hard as he can, and not let go for anything. That'll distract the gorilla, and we can chain him up and drag him into the truck. Here," he says, "you hold the gun."

"What the hell am I supposed to do with the gun?"

"Hey," says the guy, "If I fall out of the tree, shoot the dog."